Is It Okay to Label Yourself?
This is a question I've been wrestling with, especially as someone who has experienced several identity shifts over the past few years. I carry the titles of mom, wife, woman, sister, and daughter. These are all identities I resonate with, but to what extent do they define me? Another question that challenges me is how much of the ideal version of these roles I impose on myself. I find myself confronting my own expectations of what these labels should look like and examining the pressure I put on myself to meet those standards.
First, I have to confront my fears about existing within these roles and then learn to release those fears. Only then can I fully embrace my life and the relationships associated with these roles without being confined by the expectations attached to them.
The fear aspect often stems from not wanting to fail. Facing what failure means to us is crucial. We create boxes that shape our reality based on societal norms, which can be difficult to navigate. For example, I have personally struggled with the idea that my husband and I had children before getting married. In my mind, the ideal norm was marriage before children. Breaking away from that traditional path has made me question other areas where my life does not align with societal and religious expectations.
The Power of Idealization
External Influences
An idealized experience is something we all create in our minds—an image of how we expect our lives to unfold. While fantasizing can be useful for planning and excitement, problems arise when we compare our fantasies to our current reality.
Take dating as an example. When you meet someone new, you might envision an ideal future with them, placing expectations on the relationship before it even has a chance to develop naturally. When the reality of who they are doesn't match the fantasy, disappointment follows. Some may say that accepting someone as they are when they don’t meet our idealized version is "settling," but in truth, it’s about seeing people for who they are rather than who we wish them to be.
Internal Expectations
Just as we idealize others, we also place expectations on ourselves. When we don’t meet the labels we assign to our identities, we set ourselves up for disappointment. While vision boards and goal-setting are valuable, they can also be influenced by external pressures. In today’s social media-driven world, we often shape our aspirations based on curated online personas rather than our true desires. The career path we pursue, the lifestyle we strive for—are these choices truly ours, or are they shaped by societal conditioning?
Dreaming is wonderful, but it’s important to ensure that the dream is genuinely ours. Moreover, we should allow ourselves the flexibility to reshape or abandon those dreams if they no longer serve us.
Embracing Change
Lately, I’ve struggled with the idea of "getting back to the old me." But what if she no longer exists? Growth means allowing ourselves and others the freedom to evolve beyond the labels we once held.
I often find myself contemplating the "right" thing to do or say, based on what is expected of me. But who is setting these expectations if not ourselves? The pressure to conform to idealized roles can be mentally exhausting. Constantly trying to fit into predefined labels prevents us from fully embracing our humanity.
Instead of confining ourselves to rigid identities, let's release that weight and allow space for authenticity, creativity, love, and growth. There is no predetermined yellow brick road—we are free to forge our own paths, embracing the beauty of change along the way.
